Where do you focus your time and energy? Try spending the majority of your time building upon your strengths and talents and expanding your current knowledge. What are your natural abilities? Do you spend adequate time and focus on these?

This does not mean that you must avoid what you do not like, as life is full of mandatory tasks that we do not enjoy! It also does not say that you must stick to a few activities and never expand your knowledge elsewhere. In a work environment, that is often required and expected.

It's saying that if you focus on the things that fuel you up (think of filling a gas tank) instead of depleting you and your energy resources (i.e. running out of gas), you will feel renewed as opposed to constantly drained. Consider what gives you the greatest pleasure, sense of fulfillment and excitement.

A quote from Andy Stanley says that, " if you really want to make a lasting impact, then you need to eliminate what you do well for the sake of what you potentially do best." My best guess of what he is trying to say is that to maximize your potential, spend the majority of your time focusing on your strengths/talents/abilities.

We spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to overcome our weaknesses and not enough time growing our strengths. For a good read and hands on exercises that focus on identifying and playing to your strengths, I suggest Marcus Buckingham's Put Your Strengths to Work.

As a broad overview, Buckingham looks at identifying your own strengths and weaknesses and discusses how to put your strengths into practice while navigating away from the activities that weaken you. He discusses how this can be applied in your professional life at work.

In next week's blog post, we'll continue the topic of focusing on your strengths. How do you feel about this? Does it feel wrong to navigate towards the things we enjoy and are good at, or do you feel like it makes perfect sense to do so?

Until next week.

Moving you forward, WLS 

 

Living the life you desire and achieving your dreams doesn't just happen...you have to make it happen! Ask yourself - "Am I truly making the most of each and every day?"

Make your growth plan intentional and strategic. Commit yourself to not accepting mediocrity. Resist maintaining the status quo and instead, force yourself to learn, change and grow. Put yourself in an environment that encourages, and not hinders, growth. I've read that there are certain types of fish (such as goldfish) whose growth patterns reflect the environment in which they live. Put them in an environment that allows for growth and they will expand and reach their full size (i.e. their full potential). On the contrary, a stifling environment will inhibit their ability to grow.

Live your life with intent and purpose and be excited and hopeful about what is upcoming in your future. You and only you are responsible for taking action and creating the future you want for yourself. Your future is what YOU make of it. The ability to reach your full potential is in your hands and is your responsibility, no one elses. You don't need to wait for anyone to tell you that it's "go time" to take full control and ownership of your life.

Don't focus on what you lack, instead focus on what you have. Quoting Albert Einstein, "Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking that it is stupid." What are your abilities, unique skills, interests/passions and talents? Be conscious of what you're focusing your energy on. If you are fixated on the negative and on what you do not have or what you believe you are incapable of doing, you will only attract more disappointments into your life. You will create roadblocks for yourself that will hinder forward movement.

Realize your passions - Build on your strengths - Attract what is positive - Be proud and happy with who you are.

You are a unique and talented individual. Grow your potential!!

Moving you forward, WLS

**Reposting as requested**

In last week's blog post, we discussed making the conscious decision to be more positive and how that can be achieved in a world where we are bombarded by negativity (economic recession, health crises, environmental concerns etc). Specifically, I referred to external negative influences. Today, I want to turn the focus inward to look at our own internal voices.

The "noise" isn't always outside, we battle internal demons as well. Our "inner critic" is crafty. It rears its ugly head when we're feeling low, afraid, or lacking in confidence. Unchecked, this can lead to disastrous consequences. The author of Power Up (www.alive.com), Barb Langlois (as mentioned in the previous blog post) suggests 3 steps to battling this internal monster. Firstly, acknowledge its appearance. Be able to recognize the negative voice in your head. Secondly, once you're aware of its presence, take action. Tell it where to go! Even saying "Stop! This is enough" may be sufficient to quiet the noise. Lastly, move forward using self-affirmations. These will be different for everyone as each of us needs to use affirmations that resonate with us. They should not feel forced, "canned" or phony. Create ones that work for you. Use them...and believe in them.

Another important point in the discussion of positive vs. negative thinking, is the potentially damaging effects of over generalization. Make an effort not to globalize or overgeneralize your thinking. The world isn't black or white...there's a lot of grey in the mix too. Be conscious of the use of the words "always" and "never" (such as: "I always fail when I try to cook this" or "I'm not going to try this activity because I'll never succeed"). Can you work on those statements to frame them more positively? Constantly overgeneralizing can create a vicious cycle. Negative expectations are fuelled by negative thoughts. Negative thoughts create negative energy, negative attitudes and negative behaviours....thus creating a negative outcome....not surprising. So try to change your perspective and look for positives in a situation and experience gratitude, because things could always be worse.

Take a look at your focus. Both good and bad things happen to us over the course of a day/week/year, so to what are you giving the most energy? Is it the 'negative drama'? If so, try to highlight the positive. Look for good in the world and feel optimistic about your future. Look for what made you happy, excited, energized, proud, etc. and talk about these things instead. Just like negativity, positive energy is highly contagious. What you put out into the world you tend to receive, so try passing along a happy bug (which, unlike the flu bug, people will be glad to catch along with you).

Moving you forward, WLS

**Reposting as requested **

Are you a resolution maker? Like many others in the world, you may have started this new year with a list of "Must Do's" (such as sleeping more or going the gym) and "Must NOT Do's" (such as eating fast food or smoking).

The great thing about resolutions is they don't have to be written for January 1st. In fact, some people find them to be more effective when they're set at other times of the year. Regardless, they do serve an important purpose. They're helpful in causing you to look at your big picture goals/vision and to examine how satisfied you are with your life today in comparison to the life you desire.

In making these key changes and moving forward, working with a coach can be very effective in helping you explore and further define your goals and to align them with your passions. We can help you to navigate through the complexities of life as you journey towards your goal (overcoming roadblocks that stand in your way). As well, we'll  keep you accountable to the small, manageable steps that you've created en route to your end goal.

In reflecting upon the goals that you may have set this year, was "having a positive outlook and attitude" anywhere on your list? Some of us naturally exude positive energy (and if this describes you - thanks - the world needs more of you around!) I read an article in the January 2011 copy of Alive Magazine (www.alive.com) called Power Up (Barb Langlois, RN, MSN) where she states that a positive outlook can be beneficial to us in many ways but that negativity is all around us, both externally and internally, which causes some difficulty. She makes the point that negativity breeds negativity and that negative stories and conversations "become ingrained in our minds and provide a reference point for our future thoughts, actions, and expectations."

They say that misery loves company, and negativity can inadvertently affect our own feelings and decisions. In turn, others negative experiences (that are shared with  us) may become our reality in that they serve as our reference points when we encounter similar situations or events and when we are forming opinions. At times, we fail to differentiate ourselves from others. We need to acknowledge our own uniqueness in perception and experience, and know that we may not feel, interpret or react in the same way.

In the article, Langlois suggests that when negative gossip is being shared, try to avoid engaging and instead, share something positive. Change the conversation around and make a positive contribution. Yes, sometimes gossip can be useful. It can make us feel closely connected to those with whom we are sharing and it can create a sense of belonging, understanding, and intimacy. However, it can also be incredibly destructive, unproductive and even harmful to our own well being. If you take the author's suggestion and try to shape a negative discussion into a more positive one, it is of course crucial to exercise good judgment and sensitivity. Even if you see the conversation as useless, negative banter, the speaker may feel differently. To him/her, they may be expressing a significant experience and/or it may be an emotional hot button for them. 

In next week's blog, I'll continue this conversation with a discussion on the effects of internal negative "noise", as well as how we can try to avoid making broad (negative) generalizations.

Make it a fantastic week!

 Moving you forward, WLS

 

Living the life you desire and achieving your dreams doesn't just happen. You have to make it happen!

As we wrap up the month of December, and head into 2012, ask yourself - "Am I truly making the most of each and every day?"

Mary Kay Ash, the creator of the incredibly successful company Mary Kay has said, "the world is full of people who are quick to dream but slow to act. Often because they have failed to break big goals into manageable ones, but more often it is a fear of failure. You can only overcome such fear if you are willing to get up and get started. Yes you are going to make mistakes, but we fail forward to success....remember, obstacles polish us up or wear us down" (Mary Kay Ash biography page 99).

I love that quote and the realization that life doesn't come easily and that we often must fail forward to success.

Make your own growth plan intentional and strategic. Commit yourself to not accepting the status quo or mediocrity, but force yourself to learn, change and grow.....and expect (and tackle full-on!) the obstacles that will present themselves.

Put yourself in an environment that encourages (not hinders) growth. I've read somewhere that there are certain types of fish whose growth patterns reflect the environment which they're in. Put them in an environment that encourages growth and they will expand and reach their full potential. On the contrary, a stifling environment will stunt them.

"Be willing to live life to your fullest potential, and believe in fact that you have plenty of it!" ~ Cheryl Saban

Wishing you and yours happiness, health, and a commitment to positive growth in 2012.

Moving you forward, WLS

 

Gratitude is a topic that is often discussed during my coaching sessions with clients. Actually taking the time to experience and express thankfulness for everything around you is eye opening and can have profound effects. It may be expressed by simply saying thank you more often (in genuine appreciation) by sending thank you messages or cards, or perhaps engaging in internal practices of gratitude, such as: meditation, journalling, spiritual worship, etc.

Many of my clients practice daily expressions of gratitude in doing a simple exercise - writing down 3 things that they are thankful for. I encourage you to do this every morning to start your day in a positive frame of mind. A good way to end the day is to review this list, or a portion of the list, as a simple reminder of the goodness that surrounds you.

We are faced with so many things that have the potential to make us feel down, disappointed and hard done by. At first thought, one may believe that the holidays are a time when everyone feels the happiest - experiencing all the joys of the season. However, it's often a time of sadness for people who have lost loved ones, are experiencing financial distress or are in the midst of relationship turmoil (for examples).

Regardless of your situation, try to make a concerted effort to focus your energy on the abundance that surrounds you and is already present in your life (even if at first thought, it is difficult to see). There are always reasons to be grateful, commit yourself to seeing them.

You may not be able to fully control your environment or situation, but you can always control your thoughts, reactions, and the decision to see your circumstances in a positive light. And it is in your power to take the initiative to make changes, where you have the ability to. 

Make the decision today to experience gratitude and to show thankfulness internally and externally. Be thankful for those who support you and make your world a better place.

Moving you forward, WLS

Winter Solstice may fall on December 22nd, but I'm sure other Winnipeggers would agree with me that winter has arrived in our city. As I turn up the thermostat and add an extra layer of clothes, I find myself thinking back to the summer and taking a mini-mental vacation to days of t-shirt, shorts and flipflops.

 I was also looking at a few photos and was reminded of some fun summer events. Speaking of one 'family' event - I had the pleasure of attending a high school graduation ceremony. The accomplishments of these graduates were incredible and inspiring. Here were young men and women, not only achieving stellar grades and excelling in sports, the arts, etc., but they were also devoting time to do exemplary community service work throughout the year - helping those who are less fortunate and involving themselves in projects they created and were passionate about.

In reading studies on longevity, its no surprise to see that 'helping others' is often cited as a key factor to living happier and healthier. In an article published by Success magazine (September 2010) it stated that some research actually shows a 60% decrease in mortality rates for people who help others.

What specifically is it that contributes to this 'helpers high' and the resulting positive benefits? The article listed the following "the dignity, joy, passion and purpose" that result from giving your time and efforts to help another. The article compared this helpers high to the 'runners high' that results from the rush of endorphins that occur during/after physical activity. The difference being that the helper's rush can last much longer (and bottom line: it just feels good to help and to give).

I read another interesting and related, news article a couple months ago. In Yahoo News (Sept 17th, 2011), the author quoted a study that showed that people who volunteer for selfless reasons, like helping another, live longer than those who don't help out. The Winston Longitudinal Study followed over 10,000 Wisconsin residents from 1957 to present. In regards to volunteering, some participants reported volunteering for alruistic reasons and others for self-oriented reasons. They found that when looking at their physical health (controlling for things like socioeconomic status, health risk factors, etc) that those who volunteered for more altruistic reasons had lower mortality rates. 4.3% of the non-volunteers were dead 4 years later versus only 1.6 % of the altruistic volunteers. People who identified volunteering for self-oriented reasons had the same mortality rates as those who did no volunteering at all. Interesting.

We are in the season of holiday giving, where many of us open our hearts and wallets to help those in need. But what motivates us to do so? And how charitable are we after this season is over? What do we do for our communities (and beyond) during the rest of the year?

I'd encourage you to think of how you can selflessly help others, while using your talents/interests/abilities as a guide. What could you give of yourself that would be of benefit to another? 

Quoting Wayne Dyer, “When you are able to shift your inner awareness to how you can serve others, and when you make this the central focus of your life, you will then be in a position to know true miracles in your progress toward prosperity.”

Moving you forward, WLS

I'd like to warmly welcome Daniel Madrid as today's guest blogger.

Daniel is a Certified Nutritionist and the owner of Thrive Nutrition, the only health food store in Winnipeg owned and staffed by a Certified Nutritionist.

Contact him at thrivenutrition@gmail.com or (204) 477-1606.

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“Why did I eat that?” “OMG, I feel terrible now!” “Why do I do this to myself?”

How many times have you heard or said something like that? These negative phrases are often rooted in the relationship we have with food. Humans are known to be emotional eaters - we tend to merge the enjoyment of food with the satisfaction of reward. How we view food – positively or negatively - can determine how we feel about ourselves.

When trying to make healthy food choices, we all have setbacks or hiccups. Sometimes when we need an emotional “pick-me-up”, we indulge in foods we find rewarding, comforting or even tempting. The common reaction is to focus on how terrible we feel over what we believe was a bad choice.

Foods set off a chemical reaction in the brain - when these reactions turn negative, you need to step back and evaluate things.

The solution is to be mindful about the whole eating experience. If you find yourself beating yourself up, don’t fret; enjoy yourself and experience every morsel. After, once the dust has settled, take the time to reflect on what you had. Understand how you were feeling when you chose your food. This may not be easy at first, but after several goes at it, you will be able to focus on how you are feeling and why, rather than on feeling guilty about your choice.

We tend to be hard on ourselves and expect perfect results. Remember, whatever choice you’ve made, it is only one meal out of hundreds of thousands that you will have in your lifetime. In the big picture, it’s a drop in the bucket. There are more important things in our lives to stress over. Don’t use food to focus inward on your emotions. Look outward to new tastes, experiences and social connections.

Today's guest blogger is Crystal Henrickson, RMT at "The Pure Escape" in Winnipeg. She's a fantastic therapist (I can personally attest to that!) and it's a great spot for relaxation, whether that be in the form of massage therapy, reflexology or esthetics.

"You" time is SO important, so pamper yourself! Put yourself back on your priority list. You'll be glad you did!

http://www.thepureescape.ca/
204-488-0815

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Making a career change is one of the scariest, but most rewarding things, you can ever do for yourself. Six years ago I made such a change and it opened up my world to so many new people and experiences. I am a Registered Massage Therapist at The Pure Escape in Winnipeg and I pinch myself every day, because this is the job I was meant to have.

Massage Therapy had always been in the back of my mind. My passion started with relieving my mom’s headaches as a child by massaging her neck and shoulders. Later on in life, I helped subside pain in an ex-boyfriend’s aching animating hands and neck. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was just aware I was making them feel better. That was just the beginning.

It was very scary going from making lots of money in Toronto as an Executive Assistant at a large animation company, to moving to Winnipeg to be closer to my Sioux Lookout family and going to school. Looking back, I realize it was the best decision I have ever made. I encourage anyone, if you’re not happy in your current work life, to re-evaluate, and see what’s out there for you!

I find when clients start taking care of themselves, be it getting a massage, starting an exercise routine, or eating better, it carries into all other aspects of their lives.

There are so many benefits of massage, including:
· increasing blood and lymph circulation;
· relieving muscle tension;
· re-aligning muscle tissue so it can repair itself after exercise and injury;
· promoting better posture;
· improving digestion;
· giving the client an overall sense of awareness of their own body

Your massage therapist will work with you to develop an exercise and stretch routine to compliment the work they’re doing. They can help you combat stress and muscle fatigue, and make you a healthier person.

I’ve also personally trained in reflexology, which stimulates reflexes in the feet which correspond with every part, gland and organ of the body, to bring the body back to equilibrium. Just getting your feet worked on can relax your entire body due to the amount of nerve endings found there.

Massage Therapy changed my life, and it can do the same for you!

Thank you for your emails! Keep them coming! It was great to hear what you do to cope with the stressors in your life.

In my previous post, I outlined some tips for stress reduction.  Here are a few more ideas to consider...I hope you'll find them useful!

• Try to focus on the task at hand. Put it into context, as being one step that must be completed in order to bring you closer to achieving your end goal (I'm assuming here that a goal setting process has already taken place). What often happens is that we think about our looming deadline and become overwhelmed. It becomes so daunting and seemingly insurmountable that we begin to doubt our abilities. Suddenly the small (do-able) steps are forgotten and we experience fear and frustration. So try to concentrate on the present. What can you do right now, today, to bring you one step closer to where you want to be?

• Be conscious of the stressors in your life and plan ahead for your calming (escape) plan. This isn't negative, it's smart. Whether it is work/traffic/kids/family/other that causes you stress, become aware and think in advance as to how you're going to keep your cool. Even if you can't avoid the instinctual reaction that may arise when you encounter this stressor, you can minimize its impact by thinking ahead.

• Similarly, find ways to STOP for a minute and just breathe. What this 'STOP' looks like will be unique to each of you. What you find effective may not be effective for someone else. Here's one possibility....If visualization is something that you feel works well to relax you, close your eyes and imagine (with as much detail as possible) a place that you find calming. Picture yourself there, just taking in the surroundings and breathe.....

Beautifully said by Etty Hillesum, "Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths".

Moving you forward, WLS.

Self-help books and magazine articles tell us. TV tells us. Our doctor and/or natural health care practitioners tell us. Chronic stress can be a major problem. It can exhaust us and make us sick - both physically and mentally.

So what can we do to stress less? Because this issue is so prevalent and important, justifiably it is given much attention in the media and within the health care context. At the risk of repeating popular advice, here are some tips to stress less!

Let's start with some of the more commonly given advice. The following points cannot be stressed enough (no pun intended....)

• Maintain a healthy diet - try not to go overboard in either direction, as balance is key.
• Try to get a few minutes of sunlight each day. Apart from giving you that hit of Vitamin D, it'll also help to brighten your mood.
• Strive to get an adequate amount of sleep each night.
• Grow and maintain a strong network of support and lead a passion-filled life (where your interests and passions are reflected in the way in which you spend your time).

What else??

• In terms of work stress, some experts advocate that in order to experience less stress, you should tackle the jobs that you dislike first. The logic is that in doing so, you'll get the 'worst' tasks out of the way and can then move on to more enjoyable projects. Other experts advise that you start your day doing a task that you enjoy as it is uplifting and will put you in a positive frame of mind. I would suggest that you explore both methods to determine which is ideal for you. Pay attention to both your emotional state and your productivity levels. Which approach maximizes both?

• The procrastination factor - We think that in avoiding a dreaded task, we'll also avoid the stress that tackling it will cause. Unfortunately, procrastination just makes it worse. Why? It can confirm our thoughts that the task is too daunting and we can't do it; it feeds our fears (of failure?); it makes the task seem more overwhelming (especially if in procrastinating we end up panicking last minute to complete it). It can also create a harmful mindset....one that works against you and your goals.

Check back for a continuation of this post, with more tips for stress reduction....

In the meantime, I'd love to hear what works well for you!

Moving you forward, WLS.

When I was studying psychology in University, I recall discussing 'positive psychology' (and pioneer Martin Seligman and colleagues). Some psychological schools of thought are largely focused on treating a problem ("disease centric approach") whereas positive psychology is more in line with coaching philosophy, namely that we are in the drivers seat of our lives. We have control over our happiness (or unhappiness).

I read a magazine article this past summer ("Get Happy Now", Chatelaine, July 2010) that addressed this topic and stated that, according to positive psychology thinkers "the ideal strategy for happiness is doing. Feeling good is the by-product of action." I couldn't agree more. In this article, they discussed what they called the "7 Habits of Happy People" which I found interesting. I'll use it as a reference and springboard for the following ideas in this post.

Here are a few thoughts to think on......

1) Focus on what is positive in your life today. Look ahead and plan for the future (of course!) but don't forget to acknowledge your present accomplishments and to congratulate yourself. Also, remember to express gratitude. You have much to be thankful for....believe it.

2) Capitalize on your strengths and live passionately. A passionate lifestyle is one where your values and interests are reflected in your daily life.

3) Focus on goals that are your own and that matter to you. If they are aligned with your interests, desires and abilities, they will be easier to reach and the process will be much more enjoyable.

4) Make happiness a priority. Write down 5 things that make you happy and try your best to include them in your daily life.

5) Establish and grow meaningful relationships. Be grateful for a supportive network. It is incredibly important and deserving of your gratitude and effort to maintain and nurture.

6) Last but not least, don't overextend yourself. It leads to stress, anxiety and burn out....not conducive to a happy heart nor a healthy life.

During coaching sessions, clients and I often discuss the relationship between life balance and happiness. Be conscious of your stressors and of overextend yourself in one area of your life (ie professionally). Enlist the support of your social network (family, friends, colleagues) or seek professional assistance to aid you.

Take a step today towards increasing your happiness. It's worth it....you're worth it.

Moving you forward, WLS

Last week, I had a chat with a good friend. During our conversation, when we found ourselves talking about the Christmas season, I began to hear panic in her voice. She spoke faster and faster as she discussed the cooking and baking and family gatherings and holiday-party-attending and gift buying dilemmas.Whew! Being a big fan of the season, I also find myself getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of these snowy December days. To make things clear, let me just say that I love this season. Absolutely and completely. But I don't think I've consciously thought of it as a stressful time (though if one were to check my vitals, I might be proven wrong!). Our conversation was a bit of a wake up call for me and I'm thankful, as it caused me to sit back and take a deep breath.

Even if you don't celebrate the holiday, you can hopefully relate to this post...to the sheer craziness that the month of December (give or take - early birds!!) can evoke. So, how can we enjoy this "most wonderful time of the year" with less stress, less emotional turmoil and more joy, peace and...calm?

Lets take a look at 2 things, pressures and expectations. These can result from internal thoughts and/or external influences. Sometimes, we're truly our own worst enemies. We expect ourselves to: find the most gorgeous party dress, decorate like Martha Stewart, make 20 different holiday dishes (without burning any of them), find the perfect gifts (for perfectly behaved children, of course) and the list goes on and on and on.

You can't do it all. Or maybe you can, but there's a good chance that your body and mind are going to feel the feel the impact. Look at your to-do list and prioritize. What's the cake and what's the icing? Make sure to bake the cake first and if you have time, ice it later. For example, you may want your child to take some baking to their classroom party but you're really pressed for time. If you are able to, buy some cookies and don't feel badly that you weren't able to send a homemade treat.

If you feel over scheduled with holiday events, remember that your own health and sanity is paramount. Everyone is extremely busy and people will understand. If you can, drop in (and maybe bring a small token of your appreciation like chocolates/a bottle of wine/a box of cookies and stay for a short while, or alternatively, thank them for their kind invitation but decline and offer to get together in the new year when life slows down. In short, stretching yourself thin and stressing yourself out will not benefit you nor the people around you. Ask for help when needed and learn to say no when necessary.

Another important consideration is your own health and well-being. With life in fast-forward mode, we can find ourselves out of sync with regular routines that keep us level. Sleeping, eating, meditating and exercising patterns change quickly and our bodies and minds struggle to adjust. This also applies to other members of our family, such as our children and spouse...and even the dog! As much as possible, attempt to keep up a normal 'routine'. Try your hardest to keep yourself balanced and practice being kind to yourself. 

Lastly, whether we've seen this, read this or heard this, at some level, we begin to believe that the holiday season is one that should resemble the picturesque scene on the front of boxed cards. That it should have happy families, perfect gifts, smiling children and stellar food. It is difficult to match this level of perfection on all fronts...and is it even realistic for us to want to? As well, the unspoken expectation in those holiday songs, stories, movies etc. that the holidays are a time of togetherness and love can be heartbreaking to those who are experiencing loss, loneliness, and heartbreak. Having expectations for ourselves is a good thing....but searching for what is truly important for each of us is the most important thing. What the holiday means to me is most likely not what it means to you. We have different interests, beliefs and customs. But I ask you to go back to the source...is it religion, or family, or a sense of peace and good will? Try to focus on the true meaning of the season to you and your family, and look at the rest of it as window dressing....pretty decorations on a strongly rooted tree.

 Seasons Greetings and best wishes for health and happiness.

Moving you forward, WLS

While sitting in a Winnipeg coffeehouse recently, I picked up a copy of "dig!" (Winnipeg's bi-monthly Jazz magazine). I take these whenever I see them, as I love reading the profiles of accomplished musicians as well as up & coming talents. Performance dates and venues are also listed within.

In the Nov/Dec 2010 issue, what caught my eye and got me thinking was the piece by Editor-In-Chief, Steve Kirby ("A Change in the Weather"). He writes about "reading old scripts" and the downside to holding onto these, as in doing so, we aren't opening our eyes to positive changes and to new realities.

Kirby's article focuses on Winnipeg. Our city is a wonderfully diverse, growing, changing, centre of activity. As examples, we have a thriving arts/music community, great restaurants and weather that isn't as horrible as some people may think and/or hear (though perhaps I'm speaking to soon...the winter weather is fast approaching!) However, some people fail to see and appreciate what our city has to offer. Although new information may be out there that could change our thoughts and opinions (about something or someplace), too many of us choose instead to rely on past ideas/assumptions/experiences when forming our opinions today.

As it relates to psychology, "(behavioural) scripts" are expected behaviours that occur in a specific situation. They are routinized and habitual, and can subconciously affect our perceptions, beliefs and behaviours. In effect, they automate our thought processes to some degree. They help us to know what to expect so we can perform certain actions with very little thought involved. An example of this is driving a car. There is an automatic procedure in place of putting your key in the door lock, opening the door, sitting on the seat, putting the key into the ignition, etc etc.

Yes, these scripts can truly be useful to us in certain situations. However, when we rely on scripts too much in guiding our thought processes, we do ourselves an injustice. We risk closing our eyes to new realities and failing to see what is now before us, so we know how to adapt and change when necessary. We have to be certain that we are allowing ourselves to explore new opportunities and in turn, are growing, learning and appreciating all that surrounds us.

Think about yourself and reflect upon your own life. Can you identify times when you relied on an old script only to realize later that it needed to be changed or adjusted to fit with newly received information? Are you holding on to any old scripts right now?? And how would releasing these and opening your eyes to new perspectives help you to grow?

Change is happening all around us. All the time. We know this, yet too often we tend to cling comfortably to old and dated information. Reassess (and maybe let some things go...) Look at your world with new eyes.  What do you see today?

Some people firmly believe in 'luck'. They may blow on dice while gambling, carry around a lucky token, search for four leaf clovers and let the belief that they are either lucky (or unlucky) influence their decision to act (or not to act). 

An article I read in Psychology Today (May/June 2010) called "Make Your Own Luck" (Rebecca Webber) makes an interesting distinction between luck and opportunity that I'd like to touch on and expand upon....Webber writes that people take different approaches to being presented with an opportunity to act. Some individuals see opportunities that others miss. How? They have open-minded approaches to life,  more positive attitudes and are more resilient when faced with failure.

I believe that if you're waiting for luck to discover you, you'll find yourself passively sitting and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...On the other hand, being open to new opportunities means that your approach is active. You have conscious awareness of your surroundings, what opportunities are presenting themselves to you and which ones you can purposefully seek out.

As well, having a positive outlook on life can make a big difference in terms of taking opportunities. In this article, the author writes that people in good moods have a broader field of view - they see more of what's going on around them and as such, take in more beneficial information that can help them to seize successful opportunities.

As well as having a positive outlook, try introducing more flexibility into your life - whether that be flexibility in your actions or your mindset. Many of us live with tunnel vision, pursuing one goal at the expense of others. Of course, it's sometimes essential to focus solely on the task at hand. However, on a daily basis, try to open your eyes to what's around you. Keep an open mind...your world is bigger than you think and hidden opportunities abound!

A great point was raised in the article - that as we age, we are often less open to opportunities that are available to us. Sometimes younger people are more likely to take chances, experience both successes and failures, and use these experiences as a tools for discovery. However, when we age we often become more "crystallized" in our thinking and "create rigid rules and eliminate chances to change all the time." Having a youthful mindset is healthy, and breaking out of our negative thinking patterns and rule bound lifestyles are exciting changes to make.

If we can conquer our anxiety over taking chances and making changes, we can move forward in our lives, seeking out and grasping opportunities that we'd never imagined.

Moving you forward, WLS

I found a fantastic article in the August 2010 edition of Flare Magazine that I wanted to mention today. It's called "Generation Success." Yuki Hayashi writes of 10 rules that one can follow to achieve success.

What I loved about this article was that it focuses on the hard work that is necessary to make success a reality. I believe that we live in a culture where we've become accustomed to instant gratification. All too many times when we want something we expect it to happen immediately...to fall into our laps and for it to take little time or effort. The reality is that we are often impatient and even (gasp!) lazy.

I'll highlight and expand upon a few of these 'rules'

• "Lay the Groundwork" - when it looks like someone has reached instant success, look again. Most likely, they've been working hard behind the scenes building their network, learning about their industry and the needs of the market, getting experience, and setting and achieving smaller goals that ultimately result in noticeable accomplishments.

• "Don't Take Criticism Personally" - instead take it for what its worth and if possible, use any constructive comments as helpful tips to further your career and improve your performance. Don't internalize it as a personal assault. Look at the truth (if there is any) behind these comments and do something productive with your new knowledge!

• Keep challenging yourself and diversifying while developing your abilities, following your passions, and reaching your goals.

• Take care of both your physical and mental health. You'll have a much happier and more enjoyable experience and also be more respected if you further yourself and reach your goals with a positive frame of mind.

• Be resilient. Life is full of ups and downs, but people who are "less fixated on the failures and have their eyes back on the prize quicker and with a clearer vision" achieve more success.

• Keep a supportive network. One cannot underestimate the importance of these supports in our life. Cultivate and appreciate it.

• Follow your passions and let them drive you towards success. Love what you do and do what you love. You'll give so much to the world that way and will live a more fulfilled life.

Moving you forward, WLS

Welcome Back Jacqueline!! As an author, Jacqueline has kindly offered some insight into the world of publishing and the hard work and dedication it takes! If you're passionate about writing and want to share that talent with others (and so you should!) keep reading!!

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Are You in for the Long Haul?

Writing a book: For many aspiring writers, a published novel will forever remain an unattainable goal.

Why?

Because it takes a lot, and I do mean a lot of work just to get that idea onto paper. Some writers use online tools, like Nanowrimo (coming in the month of November) as a way to kick-start a new novel. With a goal of 50,000 words within the month, that's about 3/4 of a finished first draft.

But a first draft is just that...the first attempt at getting it all down on paper.

Now come the countless hours of revising plotlines, adding dimension to your characters and tweaking all the tedious grammar and punctuation errors.

Next, and I recommend this process highly, comes subbing the manuscript for critique. Whether you belong to a critique group (online or where you live) or whether you pay a professional to critique your manuscript, these "new" eyes will find numerous inconsistencies and areas that require at least a second look.

Next, comes the research into finding the right publisher(s) and pitching your book idea with a query letter, synopsis and depending on the individual editor's guidelines, possibly submitting the first three chapters of your polished manuscript.

Then comes the waiting. It can take six months to hear back from a publisher and many submissions never even get a response, which can be very frustrating. (I was lucky enough to be able to secure a pitch with an online writing conference called Museonline and pitch directly to the editor in a chat room and receive an instant request for the full manuscript.)

So what do you do while you're waiting...start writing your next book.

As an author who spent almost three years writing and revising her first suspense novel, the icing on the cake is that finally, last February, I signed a contract with a publisher. My novel was accepted for publication.

First came the content edits, where one of the publisher's editors read my novel and made comments, suggestions and questioned different aspects of what I considered my polished version. So, I made significant revisions, which I must admit, all made my manuscript stronger in the end.

After the content edits, came the line edits, where again, my words and ideas were under the scrutiny of one of the publisher's editors. With just a couple of minor tweaks, my manuscript was nearly ready.

Also during this time, I filled out descriptions of my characters, setting and ideas for cover art. Soon, I was sent a design, which I totally loved. It was exactly what I would have chosen for my book's cover.

Now my manuscript was in the queue to be published. All in all, from my initial pitch in October of 2010 to my novel's debut, it took pretty much a year.

Was it worth the wait? You betcha!

Anything worth having requires a committment from you. Don't shy away from hard work. Be tenacious. It'll pay off every time.

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Jacqueline McMahon's novel, "When Love Won't Die", is currently available in ebook form from Red Rose Publishing. Look for it, coming soon to Amazon.com, Kindle, Mobipocket, and other e-reader formats.

To buy Jacqueline's novel, please follow this link: http://redrosepublishing.com/books/product_info.php?products_id=649

I'm thrilled to welcome guest blogger Jacqueline McMahon to the WLS site to share her thoughts!! Jacqueline is co-owner of Slightly off Broadway Triple-threat studio. Check out their website for information on their many classes and programs: http://www.slightlyoffbroadway.com/

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A little child grabs your hand as you both walk out onto the stage. The music starts and she looks up at you, her eyes wide with fear. You give her an encouraging smile, take a deep breath and begin singing. She watches your every move for her cue and then it happens. She conquers her fear and sings her part of the duet. You keep smiling and in the flash of a brief moment,the performance is over. The smile on her face can't match the smiles on those of her family and friends' faces. As you both exit the stage, still holding hands, the little child skips off to see her family, still smiling.

A shy teenage boy who finds school a struggle, tells you that his favorite day of the week is Saturday, not because he doesn't have to go to school, but because he comes to musical theatre class where he can indulge his passions of acting, singing and dancing. As the years go by, the boy's confidence in himself increases, due in part to the numerous performances he has been involved in. Soon, school isn't such a struggle anymore.

A single mother with two children beams as she enters your studio. For the next half hour she asks questions eagerly and gets excited when you both pick out a new song for her to learn. But her biggest smile comes when she performs for the first time in a recital and the loudest cheers are from her two children.

A group of students, ages 9-15, attend a summer creative writing camp. They are full of ideas and enthusiastically create a short story together. A few weeks later, as they each arrive to pick up a copy of the magazine that published their story, their fire to continue to write flows out of each of them as they ask when the next creative writing camp will be and excitedly tell you of their next story ideas. Two of them even wrote novels because of this experience.

A grandmother, longing to make music but afraid she just doesn't have any talent for it, calls for a consultation. Her fear - that she is tone deaf. But that is not the case. Once she learns the proper way to use her voice, so many possibilities open up for her. With the support of her family, she embarks on a volunteer job of performing regularly in church services and seniors homes.

All of these inspiring stories will remain in my memory forever as I look back on my 20+ years of teaching performing arts classes (voice/piano/drama/musical theatre/creative writing).

As an only child, I always made up stories and songs to amuse myself. I loved when the neighborhood kids would come over and ask, "What should we play today?" Within minutes, I had my mother looking around the house for items to use in our impromptu plays. Kids would run home to get old clothes to use for costumes and the afternoon would fly by as we created characters and worlds not only from my imagination but theirs as well.

I didn't start out as a performing arts studio owner. I actually had a job as a bookkeeper, and really enjoyed it until my tasks were taken over by a computer system in head office and I no longer had the security of a job.

Not everyone applauded my choice to return to university and major in music. In fact, most were skeptics. "How will you earn a living singing and playing piano?"some would ask.

Turns out, there are as many opportunities as you can create, if only you are willing to put in the work and never lose sight of your dreams.

After years of teaching on my own, my best friend (who is a dance teacher) and I decided to amalgamate our talents and open a triple-threat studio. Our first recital got rave reviews from all who attended because we created an original musical and showcased all of our piano students,dancers and singers. Slightly off Broadway performing arts studio was born.

Fifteen years later, I continue to enjoy nurturing the creativity in everyone from the children to the teens to the adults to the seniors. Who wouldn't love having the kind of homework I do - writing plays, arranging songs, picking music and buying CDs and scores for our studio library.

But most of all, it is the joy of working at a job that fuels my creativity and allows me to share that with all of my students. Watching them grow, not only as musicians and actors, but also as individuals, continues to inspire me in a career that I hope to continue for many years to come.

An article I recently read in Flare magazine called "Get a New Life" (July 2010, Olivia Stren) is the inspiration for today's post. The author interviews different women who each give an account of the changes (or major overhauls!) that happened in their lives which lead them to a new and exciting place.

One of these women used the economic downturn of 2008 (that caused her company's financial status to plummet) to turn a hobby of collecting vintage clothing into an incredibly successful business. Her attitude and insight is awesome - and is no doubt a huge part of the success that she's experienced. Before foraying into this new entrepreneurial venture, she thought about what she was good at and where her talents lay. BUT she didn't let limit herself to one particular talent. She tried a few different things. She combined an honest, self-reflective approach with a leap of faith. Security and diversity. A winning combination!

Oftentimes, that leap of faith is a difficult one to take. Many of us - most likely all of us at one time or another - find ourselves in a rut, going through the motions of life and not really feeling much in terms of passion and excitement but instead, circling in monotonous boredom. As the author of the article writes, this boredom can be an excellent red flag, alerting you to the fact that change is needed.

Change is scary stuff. It's one thing to be able to identify that you need to shake things up (and kudos to you for recognizing that change is required!) but actually doing it takes much courage, effort and oftentimes, a leap of faith.

So take a few minutes to think of the big picture. Ideally, what do you see yourself achieving? Where do you want to be?? Also, take a moment to think about what you love to do and what you're talented at. Then write it down, draw of picture, cut out photos and pin them up. Do whatever it takes to inspire yourself and to create that clear vision. Don't bite off more than you can chew...take one small step at a time and make those changes! Remember, the first step is often the hardest. So look left, look right, smile....then leap!

Moving you forward, WLS

Hello! Thanks for reading the WLS blog! It's my pleasure to welcome back PJ Sangalang, the author of last week's post, to continue with the topic of motivation...read on!

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In my previous blog, I briefly introduced the psychological construct locus of control and tied it with motivation, asking you to reflect where your motivation to work comes from--is it internal, with your motivation coming from within yourself or is external, with outside factors influencing motivation to be at work?

I want to talk about locus of control in another traditional, perhaps more microcosmic sense, when talking about it with regards to your every day work, and life. I want to talk about locus of control in the more original sense as outlined by Julian Rotter in 1966 along with the concept of illusion of control, that being the belief that one's actions and thoughts can affect events even though there is no rational reason for it to be the case.

Perhaps the most vivid and prominent showcase for this illusion of control include studies in the world of addictions, from gambling to even internet use. Drug and alcohol addicts for instance, can believe that nothing they do (ie. internally) can affect the situation they find themselves in; as such, it can be perceived that external circumstances are actually controlling their situation, fueling belief that there is nothing they can do about their situation. Conversely, a gambler can believe that something they do, be it blowing on the dice or lightly tapping the slot machine, can bring on 'good luck', with success being a result of these actions. Athletes are no stranger to this version as well, with some believing that performing pre-game rituals will positively affect their own performance during the game.

Even outside of these extreme cases, we're not immune to this illusion of control. How many of us, in a rush, press the button at the stop light repeatedly, with the belief that doing so multiple times will change the lights, allowing you to cross the street? Or for those of you who were blessed to do so in the 80s, playing Super Mario Bros. and moving your arms and controller in an arc as the character jumps on screen?

Although the last couple of examples were fun, and hopefully relatable, the illusion of control is something that can apply to other aspects of life. With the last few blogs talking about working overtime and the W-word (workaholism) and tying it to motivation, I want to tie it all together by asking: might it also be the case that we do this all time believing we can't do anything about all this work piling up? That we're only motivated by the belief that we're the only ones who have to stay at work and do it all, without help from anyone else? Believing that if we don't do the work, 7 days a week, 18 hours a day, nothing can get done?

Believing that we have no control over our personal and professional situations can be disheartening, isn't it?

Not even giving ourselves the chance to stop and smell the roses?

To rest, recharge and reflect?

I hope this and the previous blog has given you a chance to think about the source of your motivation, locus of control and illusion of control. It's not to say you shouldn't work hard at your job--but work just as hard with other parts of your life as well, including finding the time to relax with your family and loved ones for a healthy and balanced well-being.

I'd like to welcome back PJ Sanglang (a previous blogger on the site) to share some of his thoughts on drive and motivation....read on!!

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Erin-Brie’s most recent blogs give fair warning: for a healthy and well-balanced lifestyle, one should really watch one’s hours at work. Life overall really is about finding a balance with everything, not the least of which is balancing work and life. As the old adage goes, “no one lies on their deathbed wishing they could have spent more time at the office.” Additionally, as one of my previous blogs intimated, you can’t just be go-go-go all the time: doing nothing—that is, relaxing, taking the time to reflect and appreciating the little things—is a necessary counterbalance to a busy lifestyle.

That is, of course, not to take it the complete opposite way and have a little too much fun, with a little bit too little work. What I want to do today is to open up a discussion—if even just for yourself—as to what motivates you at work.

The business that I’m involved in has certain peaks and valleys in terms of workflow. For a few weeks or months, work can be steady like a stream, if not light, like sporadic droplets in a bucket; either way, very much manageable. At other times of the year, work comes fast and fierce; a raging river threatening to overwhelm. As I’m currently in the latter stage, I often find myself spending plenty of time at work, teetering between the roles of simply being a support man during a busy period and that unleashing that certain w-word within me (from this point forward, ‘workaholic’ and ‘workaholism’ will simply be dubbed the w-word in my write-ups).

As I reflected upon this during my busy days—and remember, nothing wrong with taking the time to do nothing—the question dawned on me: what keeps me motivated here? More specific to our recent blog topics, what is it that pushes me toward work?

As one who has been a student of, and has been fascinated with motivation, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of motivation being divided into two perspectives—the internal locus of control and external locus of control, as outlined by psychologist Julian Rotter in the 1950s and 1960s. According to Rotter, the construct locus of control describes whether an individual believes that he or she is motivated by internal forces, or external forces. For instance, am I motivated by doing work because I (internal locus of control) sincerely want to help contribute to reducing the work or because everyone else (external locus of control) is helping as well?

Does it come down to wanting to do a good job, wanting to prove I can contribute and wanting to help others? Does it come to other factors, such as money or perception of others?

As with many questions that one may ask, it’s never really just one answer. And just as important—there’s no one common, or even correct, answer. Everyone has different motivations for different situations, and maybe taking some time to reflect on it, you can determine yours.

I’ll have more in the future regarding motivation, in other facets of life, as I personally find it to be a robust, fascinating topic, and I hope you agree. Until then, here’s hoping you stay motivated looking out for your own well-being.

In last week's blog, I wrote about the fine line between workaholism and merely being passionate about one's work. Interestingly, soon after I wrote that post, I read an article in the July 2010 edition of Alive ("Canada's Natural Health & Wellness Magazine") written by Grant Pasay entitled, "Quitting Your Way to Wellness". Pasay writes about the overload we experience in our lives. Although we make an effort to purposely quit things to achieve greater wellness (such as smoking or drinking), we rarely see work as a potentially harmful and destructive activity.

In today's increasingly competitive world, I think many of us feel that in order to be successful and keep our job, we must spend more hours actively working and continuously increasing our output. We begin to find ourselves off-kilter and out of balance. It results in burn out, illness, strained relationships, depression, anxiety, and the list goes on.

As the article's author writes, unless we experience a crisis or the situation is dire, we "usually don't quit work to enhance our wellness". Although our work environment is far less than ideal, and may even be harmful or toxic to our health, we tend to stick it out.

Of course, in our world today jobs can be tough to come by. Some people would argue that a bad job is better than no job and that concern over its impact on wellness is secondary to the reality of putting a roof over your head and food on the table. As well, we live in a society where work, work, work is the norm and the reluctance to quit is understandable. The importance and necessity of working hard has been ingrained in many of us.

As well, the benefits of 'working' (paid or unpaid) extend beyond the financial. It also allows us to connect both socially and professionally and it forms a big part of our self-identity. The reality is that our identities are often closely tied to what we do for a living. It's no wonder that quitting a job (even one that might not be healthy for us) creates some anxiety, concern and self-doubt.

This article refers to some interesting studies relating to the retired population. Contrary to popular opinion (that retirement has a negative effect on one's health), these showed that at least to a small degree for men, retirement had a positive impact on one's physical health (the results for women were less statistically significant). In another study, psychological well-being was also positively associated with retirement.

Although many people would love the option to retire, that might not be their current reality. This article suggested taking "mini-retirements" (for 2-3 months) to rest, relax, and reflect. Even this may be out of the realm of possibility...so what else? How about investigating opportunities for a more flexible work schedule (such as working 4 days instead of 5) or job sharing to reduce the total workload? Other suggestions given were to pay someone to take on one of the tasks that burden you (such as tending to the lawn or snow removal) and eliminating consumption that adds little value to your life. I love these suggestions because they cause you to truly reflect on your life and to think about what's most important to you and your family and decide what you might need to 'quit' to improve your total wellness. As the author says, "why wait for a crisis? Ask yourself today what work you could quit to improve your wellness?"

Moving you forward, WLS

I recently read an article found in the summer edition of Canadian Business magazine entitled, "Surefire Ways to Spot a Workaholic" (Laura Cameron). Here, the author discusses the interesting distinction between a person who is a work addict versus someone who just works a lot. This seems like a very fine and blurry line!

One of the individuals interviewed for this article spoke about the mentality that exists in our North American society, where employees who work excessively are congratulated and rewarded for being more involved and dedicated. As well, a study was referenced that was conducted by psychology researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit. They wanted to find out if particular personality traits could link one to 'workaholism' and were interested in seeing if further identifying these traits would be useful to managers in determining whether an employee is fuelled by "passion" or by "self-centered compulsion'. Interestingly, this study showed that many of the characteristics exhibited by participants with workaholic tendencies were not conducive to productive work habits. Some workaholics expect perfection of both themselves and of others, as well as being poor at delegation, because sharing the workload poses a problem for them. Compulsive work habits are not necessarily effective work habits. Spending unnecessary time trying to produce perfect work, or possibly creating more work than is actually required, may not be productive.

Researchers determined that what motivates a workaholic differs from the source of motivation for a person who merely enjoys working. They state that a workaholic "works because their sense of self-worth is tied to the output, not because they're genuinely passionate about their profession or their contribution to the team." The study's lead researcher believes that these results will help managers to identify workaholic employees.

A Canadian psychology professor, who also contributed to the article, thinks that in an interview situation a manager will be able to detect signs of workaholism because of the "narrowness of focus on self and worth." I’d be interested in reading further his opinion on this. As an interview is a somewhat artificial and self-centered situation, you spend the majority of time focusing on yourself and essentially selling yourself (your personality, ability, skills etc) to the interviewers. Are there specific statements or indicators that should raise red flags and cause concern for employers?

As well, in a short interview, is it truly possible to accurately make the distinction between a workaholic exhibiting negative traits and a person who just enjoys working a lot? Even if some level of distinction can be made, what manager wants to turn down a potentially hard working, dedicated, productive, gem of an employee because they may get too involved in their work (for the wrong, internal reasons)....how sure must a manager be that s/he is making this accurate and fine-line distinction before making the call?

I suppose what this article does show us are some of the reasons why the cycle of 'workaholism' continues in our society. If we continue to reward excessive work behaviours, without making a distinction between the healthy and the unhealthy ones, we are encouraging the very behaviours that stand to hurt us all in the end.

Your thoughts? Moving you forward, WLS

Welcome back Dann and thanks for your post! Keep on reading for some of Dann's thoughts on expectations...

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Most people approach each day with expectations in mind of how it should go. The better direction is to be thankful, whether out loud or in silent prayer, for having your feet hit the floor at the start of the day. People often have expectations of themselves or others. These expectations can have negative impact if they are out of reach. People need to share the expectations they want of others around them through open communication. Those who are in loving and happy personal relationships would benefit from sharing these expectations with their partners. Speaking about these expectations keeps relationships absolute and joyous.

Expectations are also akin to goal setting. Proper personal expectations involve taking small steps towards the finish line of a realistic achievement. People who are looking to take up an exercise routine often fail immediately because they set too high of an expectation. When they realize the failure most tend to give up instead of trying again.

For example, someone who wants to start walking a certain distance every day can start slowly. They can own the walking experience and the health benefits that come with it right away. They could be starting out at one day a week, then gradually increasing the days over a significant period of time. Let us say that this person sets the goal of being able to walk three kilometres for three days a week within one year. Realistically this is an achievable expectation for someone driven to get there!

When you close your day, it is important to remember and recall what your own expectations are of yourself. If you feel a sense of lack at a particular situation where you feel failure on those expectations, replay the moment in your head to how you wanted it to turn out. Review it several times. Feel refreshed in some way knowing that you are still going to move forward and continually set great and real expectations for yourself and others.

I have a friend who is very private. She’s the type of person who likes to keep her thoughts to herself and isn’t comfortable disclosing too much to others. As a result, she’s been reluctant to embrace the social media world (like Facebook) fearing the invasion of her privacy and the chance that her personal information will fall into the wrong hands. Perfectly understandable.

What I find interesting though is that this same friend told me a story about a recent flight where she sat next to a woman of approximately the same age. She told me that they started to talk, share all kinds of stories about their lives and she even showed the woman the pictures of her husband and son that she had on board with her. When telling me this story, she had a smile on her face and at no point in the conversation did her reluctance to share personal info surface. It was as though she were talking about an old friend and not someone she had met and spoken with for less than an hour.

Her story made me wonder...when travelling, what makes many of us feel secure in connecting with others (‘strangers’) and causes us to feel alright about divulging more personal info than we might otherwise do in a different environment? I know it seems like I’m referencing the one example of my friend in asking this question, but I think if we look back throughout our own life experiences, we can find occasions where this is true. I know that I definitely can.

Could it have to do with the fact that while travelling we are forced into sharing the same, confined space? Possibly we’re bored and just looking for conversation (though that doesn’t explain divulging personal information and as well, during some of these flights – my friend’s included – you hardly have enough time to finish your pop and pretzels let alone get bored!) Perhaps we feel safe disclosing because these are people whom we are not worried about meeting again. Or maybe we are experiencing fear and connecting on that level gives us some kind of reassurance?

What do you think? Are you more comfortable connecting with new people while travelling? Do you find this to be unique to air travel?? Many of us have seen those movies where people meet new friends or lovers on the bus, train, or subway, but interestingly, for the number of times that I’ve been on the Toronto subway I’ve noticed that people largely kept to themselves. I’ve also found the same to be true on city buses, Greyhound trips and while sharing a cab. Of course, these are my own experiences, but I’ve definitely felt a distinction with air travel.

What are your thoughts? Moving you forward, WLS

Welcome back Dann! Keep reading for more of Dann's thoughts below...

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Previously, I wrote about being stuck in a same old-same old routine which can turn into a “rut”. The idea of getting stuck in a rut carries a negative connotation from the very strength of the word itself. One of the things that people fail to acknowledge is that their own behaviours have made them solidly stuck in the furrows of stress they have created.

If you are knowingly doing something that will adversely affect you, you are guilty of personal self-sabotage. Let’s look at a few examples so you see where I am going with this thinking.

Your paperwork keeps piling up at work. The flow to the inbox is getting taller. The workplace is stressful and you cringe at the thought of having to stay one minute past quitting time in order to get caught up. However, you are not under any sort of gun to get things completed. The work will still remain in the morning. Staying late in an already stressful scenario will only make you feel worse and subject to increased stress which surely is not welcome.

You begrudgingly went through the fast-food drive through at lunch the day before and are now stuck with having to get something while you are out again. While I am not opposed to indulging in great tasting french fries and burgers once in a while, making two trips in a row, to eat what is considered unhealthy food, is sabotaging your health. Most of the world acknowledges that eating this kind of processed food is detrimental to one’s health. The whole reason submarine sandwich shops opened up is to give consumers healthier alternatives. So remember these sub places if you find yourself in this situation. Better yet, bring a healthy lunch from home.

The old adage of old habits dying hard is very much a reality for people trying to break destructive patterns. Like any positive lifestyle change, this takes time and practice. Eventually as these are reduced you will notice less destruction to yourself. This will have been traded in for positive steps forward.

Let me clarify. In no way do I mean that certain things we do are devoid of meaning. Of course, everything we do in life has meaning and purpose. What I’m referring to are those tasks (ie. household chores) that we feel obligated to do. Personally speaking, cleaning doesn’t stimulate my senses, ignite my passions or put spice in my life (however, if dusting and vacuuming do these things for you, please let me in on your secrets!!)

So what do we do with these ‘obligations’? We dread them, avoid them and procrastinate until it’s absolutely necessary that we tackle them.

In the previous post, Dann raised some wonderful points about incorporating things into your life to add to its meaning and to your enjoyment, such as finding new ways to exercise and making time for the things that you love to do. So today I’m asking myself if it’s possible to incorporate these interests into the jobs that we dislike. If yes, then how? How can we take some of our “required’s” and inject some “desired’s”?!

Follow me for a moment...what if in thinking about living a more balanced life, you decided to devote more time to improving your writing. Maybe you’re an aspiring author or poet or songwriter. Excellent. Now picture yourself at work where you’re required to do weekly write-ups for your supervisor...and you hate it. You dread this weekly writing exercise...but is it possible to change your perspective on this? Could you possibly see this obligatory task as an opportunity to brush up on your writing skills, use new vocabulary, or improve your grammar/creativity/conciseness/descriptiveness?

Here’s another scenario. If you love spending time outdoors and exercising (‘desireds’), can you change your perspective on cutting the grass or shoveling the snow (‘requireds’)? You could possibly see these tasks as time spent enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, some additional physical activity, or even as ‘alone’ time for thinking and reflecting. It’s really all a matter of perspective.

It’s doable. It’s possible. You can find new ways to look at old situations. Once you stop telling yourself that it’s a job you hate and you start to look at the possibilities found within each of these obligations, you’ll find that your chore might not be as ‘meaningless’ as you once thought.

Moving you forward, WLS

I'd like to introduce Dann Alexander, the author of today's post. Dann is a freelance writer originally from New Glasgow, Nova Scotia. He is writing a book and enjoys the pursuits of positive living. Visit Dann online through Twitter (WriterDann) and through his website www.dannalexander.net.

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Work, Eat, Sleep. These three things are the most common headers for the average working person. The majority of people stick themselves into a regular routine, or rut, of constant repetition trying to balance these.

There are several things missing which if factored in, will make life more enjoyable and give you more energy. Let’s look at a couple of things that if added, could positively change your life.

Making time for personal enjoyment. Most people have at least one thing they enjoy doing. Maybe you enjoy things such as music, reading, or watching movies. If these kinds of activities are not factored into a balanced lifestyle, you can become stuck in the routine and have it turn into a “rut”. No one needs to refer to medical journals to verify that participating in things you enjoy reduces stress and promotes clearer thinking.

Exercise. The dreaded E word should not carry such a negative definition. Many people learn to take up something as simple as walking to start out. Other will re-visit a sport they had taken up during childhood for regular exercise. In addition thanks to technology, people of all ages are discovering video games that require significant body movement to perform. Even on a cold winter night you can turn to some of these great games, which are a million times more enjoyable than any exercise video.

A balanced lifestyle is a skill mastered over a great period of time. Make changes slowly and ensure you schedule in time for “you”. If you have children, you can make them part of that "you" time if necessary. With the right balance, a healthier you becomes a greater reality.

Welcome back PJ! For more thoughts on life's distractions and taking time for yourself, keep reading (guest author) PJ's post below! Moving you forward, WLS. 

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Greetings and hope things are well with you. I hope you’ve been productive…but, as my previous entry suggests, I also hope you were productive by not being productive. I hope you were able to find some time to relax, sit back and do nothing…proper ‘nothing time’, if you will.

I’d like to share a quick story with you for this entry, which helped me define and appreciate my own ‘nothing time’.

The other day, I got up rather late in the morning, a bit of a shock to me as I fell asleep a little earlier the night before. My day pretty much runs on clockwork during the week, for the most part: I’ve been blessed (though some may say ‘cursed’) being able to wake up at a certain time during the day, regardless of the previous night. I did wake up that usual early time, but I decided to stay laying down for a bit and think about the activities in my life the past few days: the victories, the defeats, the stalemates…the laughter, the frustration…the worries, both personal and professional…how I had plans during the previous few days and upcoming few days and whether I’ve pulled them or whether I’ll be able to…

Essentially, I was awake…but I didn’t actually get up from bed, distracted by 1001 thoughts fluttering in my head. It wasn’t until I checked the time minutes later that I realized I had been laying there, wasting precious time engrossed in my thoughts.

I sat up, frustrated, as waking up a bit later was a loss of sorts for me, costing me a precious few minutes for which to do activities through the day. “Great, I’ll have to have breakfast right away, then shower, then get to work and I won’t even have time to check my work emails and deal with a few other things , bah”, is what I told myself (well, I didn’t tell myself that exactly…well, you know).

As I went into the kitchen to toast my bagel, a smile crept onto my face as the reality of the situation finally dawned on me: I didn’t lose time on checking emails before work, necessarily, but I gained some time to actually rest, think and reflect. I pretty much had a smile across my face as I finished preparing my breakfast, appreciating the fact that I was actually able to pull off some genuine, reflective ‘nothing time’. I felt great; relaxed, refreshed and more motivated than ever to go ahead with my day.

The reality of the situation is that I won’t be able to do this every morning; there really are going to be mornings when I should wake up a bit early and deal with the ‘now’: there are some emails and work that I’d really like to tackle when I wake up before my actual day begins, if for no other reason than to give myself an opportunity to plan my day. There are going to be instances where I’ll have to get up early for other, legitimate reasons.

Which is exactly why it makes it all the more important for me to appreciate these precious moments where I can take myself away from my present self, and think about the past and future, if only for a little while.

I'm pleased to introduce the multi talented PJ Sangalang as the author of today's blog post. PJ holds a Masters degree in Psychology and is currently residing in Wales, working as the Department Head of Corporate Training for an international company. Welcome PJ!

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"It's about nothing."

Not to necessarily show my age in this first entry, but one of my absolute most favourite television programs is Seinfeld, a show that proclaims to be about nothing. I admire the relative simplicity that every episode seems to starts on: it's four friends living their 'normal' lives either together or by themselves, only to be thrust upon eye-opening, often awkward--though surprisingly relatable and common--scenarios and, dare I say, adventures.

For one reason or another, I had the television show and its philosophy in mind when someone asked me this question recently:

"So what did you do this weekend?"

Whenever someone asks me this question, it used to be the case that my most common answer is the tried-and-true "nothing." I don't necessarily lead the most exciting life all the time (the last time I went bungee jumping was...well, I've never done that) so it's a relatively automatic, if not safe, response. Fact of the matter is, however, this reflexive reply, I've found to also be largley inaccurate: even if I haven't done anything particularly interesting, I've certainly done more than 'nothing'. Much like the aforementioned television program, where the major players do 'nothing', but clearly don't, the same holds true for me when I say I've done 'nothing.'

Even when I have a relatively 'quiet' weekend by myself, it rarely is--between watching television, listening to the radio, perpetually covering my ears with headphones and listening to music or podcasts, playing video games, having MSN Messenger or Skype on...

When is it ever that I'm doing nothing?

How often do I really get that quiet time? That quiet time to reflect? To get away from life's little distractions, if even for a little while? The time to de-compress, to think about how things have gone?

Those were my thoughts when Erin-Brie asked the question in her entry, and I'm glad that I could find that time to read through and reflect on it. Ask yourself if you give yourself a chance to do this, and I'm hoping that you're able to say you can take even a few moments at a time to sit and really do nothing.

After all, if Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and George have taught us anything at the show, when you start off at 'nothing', you can still end up in a pretty amazing place.

If “a little change will do you good” then a little change of scenery will do you great! I was very lucky to have had the opportunity to spend a few days at beautiful Falcon Lake in the ‘Whiteshell’. For those unfamiliar with Manitoba, the Whiteshell is a large provincial park full of everything wonderful that our Canadian Shield has to offer. It is cottage country at its finest, within a 2 hour drive from Winnipeg. Although the bugs were out in full force, I can’t really admit to roughing it. The beautiful cabin accommodation certainly didn’t test my camping skills, but did create a space where I had no choice but to slow down and (gasp!) relax for a couple of days. It’s a strange realization that in fact, it is possible to forget how to truly do that....or to realize that what you thought was relaxing was merely a hint of the deep calm that is possible to achieve. It was as if I was given the permission to slow down...no, that I was forced to do so...with no obligations to attend to and no distractions to divert my attention. What a blessing this was. Although I had to return to reality, I was grateful for the moments that I had to slow down and experience ‘quiet’.

In our busy lives, how many of us regularly take a few minutes in true ‘quiet’ and find a space where we feel peace and serenity? You may wonder if that’s even possible in the midst of traffic sounds, airplanes flying overhead, sirens blaring, phones ringing and TV’s droning in the background. Of course there was noise at the lake, but it was a different kind of noise. It was the awakening to chirping birds, hiking to the top of a cliff and hearing only the wind rushing through the trees, listening to the sound of water lapping against the lakeshore and of a canoe paddle cutting through calm waters. It was noise that contributed to a more relaxed state as opposed to clouding my mind and distracting my thoughts. I returned rejuvenated, fresh-faced and ready to tackle the week (I also found myself doing the mental math of the possibility of bidding adieu to city life, moving into a cottage and spending each day hearing those incredibly beautiful sounds...unfortunately the math did not add up!) Although living in this environment would be sheer bliss, it is not the reality for many of us, so the question that I asked myself was “how can I find this quiet space in my everyday life?” I liken it to eating an amazing dish at a restaurant...you have been tempted and would love nothing more than to go home and replicate that incredible taste...but you ask yourself, how? How can I feel that way again in an entirely different environment with so many external distractions that are out of my control?

This is the question I’m asking myself today. Do you have any suggestions on what works for you? To be continued...
Moving you forward, WLS

The other day while standing at the Starbucks counter waiting for my order, I overheard a woman behind me say to her companion, “well you know what he said...the only constant is change.” Although I’ve heard this phrase used before, I found her words replaying in my head, most likely because this is a time of change and growth in my own life. Of course, I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what she was specifically talking about, but literally, it seems like she was saying that change is inevitable, unavoidable, unquestionable...

I do believe that life gives us many opportunities for change but we have to be open to these possibilities that surround us and lie before us. Sometimes, however, our lack of awareness of what exists both around and ahead of us comes from our fear of really seeing what is possible. Fear can be almost tangible – causing us to create obstacles to progress or even to set up our own roadblocks. Sometimes it’s easier to maintain status quo than to face the unknown and venture into uncharted territory and expose ourselves to something new and different. But where is growth without change or triumph without challenge? And how can setting our fears aside and embracing change help move us forward to places we’ve only dreamed of?

Thank you for joining me on the WLS site! I’m excited to start off this blog – with many more posts to follow both by myself and by others with very interesting voices to share!